Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize