How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
