Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If that was your dad, he is hot
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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