flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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