It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Randomize
