highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
