i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
