I puked a lego.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize