theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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