He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
