can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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