I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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