my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize