oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
