if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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