I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
