At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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