He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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