There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
