a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
being pregnant is like rehab
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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