im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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