I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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