WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize