I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this will be a night to untag.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
