you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
