I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
