i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
