yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize