fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
