Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
