she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
