Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
