She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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