just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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