sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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