the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
