my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
