u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
