1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
