did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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