just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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