I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
