and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
