Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
