that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
