I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
