I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
