It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
