Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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