You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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