Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
