I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
