you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
