No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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