This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
