roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do vagina's smell?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
