She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize