You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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