I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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