Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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