the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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