who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
