how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
