Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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