upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
