So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
